“Dear God, please help…”

Wow, it’s been a while! I’ve been busy or preoccupied or self involved or unmotivated…not really sure what I’ve been, but just not wanting to write comes to mind. However, lately my son has been very challenging and writing about it always puts things in perspective and usually gives me a good laugh. I’m not sure what in his little body clicked when May 8th rolled around, but 4 has been rough thus far. It’s funny, you would think at some point you would figure out what works with your child when it comes to discipline. I have not. His stubbornness has been expressed in many stories before, so that hasn’t changed. He is still very sweet, curious, active, determined, easy-going, wild, and playful. Sometimes the playfulness just might be a little too much…

He has always had a great love for our pup. And she has always tolerated him. He wants her to be more playful than her energy level and age will allow. Lately he has just been rough with her and it makes me furious. My husband and I have tried timeouts, loss of toys and privileges, and even spankings but nothing seems to stop this behavior.

Last night I promised my son water balloons after we took our pup for a walk. After I filled the balloons we decided we would put them on the trampoline and jump around with them. It’s the only way I’ve found to stretch $10 worth of water balloons out for more than 3 minutes. I ran inside to take my shoes off and from the window watched my son ram into our pup. My blood began to boil. I flew out the door, in one swift jump was on the trampoline (something I didn’t know I could do so quickly and gracefully) and began hurling the water balloons to the ground. My son watched in horror and then began screaming. I, as calmly as I could, removed myself from the trampoline walked over to him and said, “You have to be nice to her. Pick up the balloons and come in for a bath.” As I marched myself back into the house a series of emotions ran through my mind…What have I done? Does he even know why I did that? Was that too harsh? Did I really just waste $10 worth of water balloons is 30 seconds?

I began folding laundry and he cried. I did some dishes and he cried. He stopped long enough to walk over and pick up a sock to wipe his snot on and then went back to crying. I picked up the living room and he cried. Finally he stopped crying and picked up the balloons and came inside. “I’m done picking up the balloons now, let’s go take a bath.”

While he was bathing I sat there silent, finally I asked, “Do you have anything to say?” And his response angered me once again, “No. I didn’t see myself kick her.” I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. He asked, “What are you doing, talking to God?” I opened my eyes, looked at him and lied, “Yes.” 

I’m a horrible person, I know. 

I began praying out loud, “God, please help my son to be a good person, to be kind and honest. To be nice to everyone, including the dog…” He interrupted, closed his eyes and said, “God, please help my mom to be nice and not yell at me and not put me in time out…”